An Adventure in Cannabis (Oil)

I’m bad at weed. And by that I mean I feel like I have fire ants dancing in my chest, I wonder which of everyone is going to stab me in the back and eating lots of foods that I’d never normally eat. Like Doritos. I hate Doritos. The only way I will willfully eat Doritos is under a marijuana haze.

I tried weed enough that I know this will never change. No matter how many times I’ve done it (like 50), I can’t get on board. It’s like San Francisco–I hate it. Every time I think, “This will be the time I like it,” and I never do.

About eight or nine years ago, I finally said enough. Nothing happened, I finally admitted marijuana wasn’t for me. Like a friend I didn’t like, I didn’t miss it. Until an editor approached me.

To make a long story short, I ate an edible brownie last year for a story. My friend and I went to the Psychiatry: An Industry of Death Museum and we were supposed to get Korean waffle pizza (a waffle with a pizza on it and Korean flavorings on top). The angle of the story is that I’m really awful at being high so the stakes would be really high in ordinarily crazy circumstances. I was extremely high, the museum freaked me out and then I unleashed all of my fears about the road trip.We never made it to pizza. I ended up in hysterical tears in Griffith Park. Did I mention this was one day before I was due to leave for the trip? Yeah, bad timing. The story never really worked and was never published. I finally swore off weed forever.

And yet…I’ve been hearing a lot about CBD Oil. It helps people with anxiety, PMS, insomnia and induces relaxation. They sell gummies and since there’s no THC, you don’t get high. A few women told me about it and said it’s just a nice mellowing. No side effects, no hangovers, no being impaired. I was curious, but not enough to actually do anything about it.

When I heard that Sigur Ros, an Icelandic band I’ve seen live five times over the past decade, created a limited edition CBD gummy using the flavors of berries from Iceland, I WAS SO IN.

When they arrived, I was excited to try them. I put on my sweat pants and a hooded sweatshirt. I figured if I lost my mind it was best to be in comfortable wear. I ate half of one and went to the deck. I sat on the chaise and waited.

And nothing really happened other than I felt very relaxed. I was hoping for a creative explosion, but that didn’t happen. I watched some TV and went to sleep early.

Basically, without THC, it’s just like a natural Xanax.

It’s legal in 50 states so check out Lord Jones if you’re curious.

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